If you’re a leader looking to give constructive feedback in the best way possible, you’re in good company. We all want our feedback to feel fair, positively focused, objective and clearly aimed at supporting our team members’ success.
First and foremost, we need to ensure that the person receiving the feedback feels safe. If we start judging, analysing, or getting personal, they’re likely to shut down or become emotional and defensive. Our goal is to have them be open to what we say and engage with us to improve the situation, and here are four ways to achieve that:
- Describe behaviour, don’t judge it: When giving feedback, stick to describing the behaviour you observed or heard. Simply state what happened without passing judgment. For example, instead of saying, “It was bad of you to raise your voice,” you can say, “You raised your voice in that meeting.” Describing the behavior objectively helps avoid defensiveness and personal insults. Stick with the facts, as they are harder to dispute. The behaviour is measured against an organisation’s Code of Conduct or performance standards so there is no need to make personal judgements.
- Make observations, don’t assume: Focus on making observations, rather than assuming someone’s reasons behind their behaviours. We’re rarely accurate when we try to figure out why people do what they do, and we can often default to a negative interpretation. For example, saying “I suppose you left that file open on the desk because you don’t care about keeping the office tidy” may miss the mark entirely and even if accurate, will raise another’s defences. Instead of assuming, ask open-ended questions like, “I was wondering what was going on for you there?” and allow them to share their own reasons. If you’re going to assume anything when giving feedback, then have ‘an assumption of positive intent’. This means going into the conversation with the attitude that the person was doing their best but needs some redirection in this instance.
- Tackle the impact, not the person: People can be vulnerable when hearing constructive feedback. They can feel embarrassed, ashamed and personally attacked. So, instead of using language that personally labels people, like “You were such a chatterbox in that meeting”, it’s better to focus on the impact of their behaviour on others. For example, you can say, “You talked over other team members in the staff meeting, which prevented them from finishing what they wanted to say.” This approach activates self awareness and an appreciation of how their behaviour affected other people, but doesnt ‘get personal’.
- You’re helping, not hurting: One of the hardest things to convey when giving feedback is your intention to help the other person be the best version of themselves. As a leader, you’re not there to watch them fail or derail their career. The key is to communicate that you want to see them succeed and the feedback you’re giving is showing them how to achieve that success by removing an obstacle. So when giving feedback, while pointing out the undesirable behaviour, be sure to also clearly point out the desired behaviour that will see them thrive.
By following these strategies, others will feel safer and more supported when receiving feedback. They’ll be less defensive, and more likely to participate in a constructive conversation to set things right. The intention is that they’ll leave the discussion feeling good about themselves and knowing how to succeed.
Keep up the great leadership work!
